When I was about 20, I took an intro to philosophy class. I didn't really understand most of it. Actually, it, as well as one of my friends, convinced me that I did not exist. It was a rough time. lol. Anyway, my professor got to talking about the store Forever 21 one day when somebody complimented her bag.
"Thanks," she said. "I got it at Forever 21. By the way, what a hellish name for a store! You're all too young to know this now, but 21 sucks. Wait until you get older."
Now, this was completely lost on most of the class. I was one of the older students, having transferred from a local (way shittier) private college. We were a bunch of 18-22 year olds and we probably couldn't have found our way out of a cave (Ha! Philosophy joke!) with a flashlight. We were high on youth, even if we didn't realize it. Our faces were unlined. Our livers were fresh. WE were on top of the world. What could this late 30's woman know about being 21??
A lot, apparently.
Now that I am the ripe age of 28 (HA!), I totally get it. It's like they say, some things get better with age. Yes, a lot of the magic has gone out of the world for me but there are those glorious moments where everything is beautiful and right. This afternoon. I stood on the front porch, slightly buzzed, in the hail and sunshine. It was so beautiful. And I had just been thinking about who I am and where I am at. I have done so much more than I ever expected. I never thought that I could pull all of this off. I can't even begin to imagine what I'll pull off in the coming years.
Forever 21 IS a hellish name for a store. I would never go back.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
It's time to go again...
I know that I haven't written in a while and quite frankly that's because I just forgot about my project.
But I want to try again and one thing I've learned is that there is nothing wrong with that.
I think what I need is a "Get it Together" Project as opposed to the a Happiness Project but, you know, I kind of think they are the same thing. I'm just going to do it. I am going to hop right in to getting myself back on track. I'm going to work on eating better and getting fit, just like I did in January.
This is the third Sunday in a row that I have cleaned the whole house in an afternoon. That is one of the things I love about my house. It's so small that a couple of hours is enough to get it clean. The first week I did it was Labor Day (so technically not a Sunday). After a weekend of partying, Matt and I laid down to nap. I got up and cleaned the house and he still didn't want to get up so I sat down with some movies. Throughout the week, I tend to build up a collection of movies from the library. That first week I watched Tangled, Season of the Witch, and Crazy Stupid Love. Last Sunday I cleaned after getting home from a bridal shower while Matt was celebrating his father's birthday. When I was done, he wasn't home yet. I watched You Again and Wild Hearts Can't be Broken. This week I have Rango, Charlie St. Cloud, Book of Love, and Peacock.
I rarely let myself just sit in front of the television and there are a lot of things I want to see that Matt DOES NOT want to see. Usually, I just figure it's not worth the battle. These past couple of weeks have been really nice though. I love having the house clean for the week. Usually I spend my mornings and lunch hours cleaning and it never seems to get done. Finishing it all on one day has been nice. I don't know that it's actually saved me any time during the week but it has made me feel a bit less stressed. I like that I have been rewarding myself, too. I can play games on the computer and look at Pinterest and work on crafts and catch up on movies. And that feels great!
Sometimes I think that a clean house makes me happy and sometimes I think that a clean house is a sign of happiness. What do you think about cleanliness and happiness?
But I want to try again and one thing I've learned is that there is nothing wrong with that.
I think what I need is a "Get it Together" Project as opposed to the a Happiness Project but, you know, I kind of think they are the same thing. I'm just going to do it. I am going to hop right in to getting myself back on track. I'm going to work on eating better and getting fit, just like I did in January.
This is the third Sunday in a row that I have cleaned the whole house in an afternoon. That is one of the things I love about my house. It's so small that a couple of hours is enough to get it clean. The first week I did it was Labor Day (so technically not a Sunday). After a weekend of partying, Matt and I laid down to nap. I got up and cleaned the house and he still didn't want to get up so I sat down with some movies. Throughout the week, I tend to build up a collection of movies from the library. That first week I watched Tangled, Season of the Witch, and Crazy Stupid Love. Last Sunday I cleaned after getting home from a bridal shower while Matt was celebrating his father's birthday. When I was done, he wasn't home yet. I watched You Again and Wild Hearts Can't be Broken. This week I have Rango, Charlie St. Cloud, Book of Love, and Peacock.
I rarely let myself just sit in front of the television and there are a lot of things I want to see that Matt DOES NOT want to see. Usually, I just figure it's not worth the battle. These past couple of weeks have been really nice though. I love having the house clean for the week. Usually I spend my mornings and lunch hours cleaning and it never seems to get done. Finishing it all on one day has been nice. I don't know that it's actually saved me any time during the week but it has made me feel a bit less stressed. I like that I have been rewarding myself, too. I can play games on the computer and look at Pinterest and work on crafts and catch up on movies. And that feels great!
Sometimes I think that a clean house makes me happy and sometimes I think that a clean house is a sign of happiness. What do you think about cleanliness and happiness?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Staycation
I had a staycation last week. It was really nice. I love having the ability to take time off and just chillax. Sometimes I feel bad because Matt can't take as much time off as me, though. It's hard for me to relax and enjoy my time off when I spend the whole day feeling bad for him because his job doesn't make him happy.
So, what did I do this week? I ate all kinds of stuff that is super bad for me. I got skunk drunk twice. I went shopping three times. I spent time with my mother. I spent time with my bestie, who was visiting from Connecticut. I cleaned the house. I had a party. I went to a concert. It was wild and crazy and so much fun. I didn't think that I would be ready to go back to work but I actually am.
And I am ready to get back to my other work too. Happiness.
So, tomorrow I am not just going back to work, I am going to kick ass. I am going to spend my week working out and eating like I am supposed to. I am going to do my best not to spend money. I am going to drink my water and clean my house and do my laundry and write my novel and be nice to my mother. Because, as happy as my staycation has made me I know that it can't go on forever. Unless I finish that book. lol
So, what did I do this week? I ate all kinds of stuff that is super bad for me. I got skunk drunk twice. I went shopping three times. I spent time with my mother. I spent time with my bestie, who was visiting from Connecticut. I cleaned the house. I had a party. I went to a concert. It was wild and crazy and so much fun. I didn't think that I would be ready to go back to work but I actually am.
And I am ready to get back to my other work too. Happiness.
So, tomorrow I am not just going back to work, I am going to kick ass. I am going to spend my week working out and eating like I am supposed to. I am going to do my best not to spend money. I am going to drink my water and clean my house and do my laundry and write my novel and be nice to my mother. Because, as happy as my staycation has made me I know that it can't go on forever. Unless I finish that book. lol
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Closing March, Opening April
The most frustrating thing about March was my inability to lose any weight even though I felt like I was being a saint. However, the last week of the month I dropped a pound. Now I have a whole new month ahead of me! (Though, again, it's about how I feel. Not what I weigh.)
Other than that, March was possibly the month that I have been the happiest this year. I read once about the Shakers (or is it the Quakers?) who think of every action as a prayer. They think of making the bed as thanking God for a place to sleep. I kind of love this theory. One of the problems with being a woman is that I work full time and it is still expected that I keep a lovely, well maintained, clean house. My lawn should be mowed. I should have a vegetable garden. My floors should be clean enough to eat off of. It's hard enough with three cats and a boyfriend. I can only imagine what it's like with kids!
Sometimes, I am really good with housework. I do the laundry every Sunday and have a rule that it must be folded within 24 hours. I load the dishwasher as I dirty dishes, run it when it's full, and unload it when it's done. Before bed every night I run my tea kettle and while it's on the stove I grind my coffee beans for the morning and clean up the kitchen, even hand washing dishes and wiping down counters. I try to follow the "30 second rule" and do anything that will take less than 30 seconds instantly, such as changing the toilet paper roll. Still, it's the actual cleaning that gets away from me. I start every weekend in the bedroom and work my way room by room. Some weeks I finish the same day. Other weeks I never finish.
I also have a hard time with home because it's an older home (built in 1977) that's changed hands numerous times. (I purchased it in November 2010. The previous sale had been in 2008 to a gentleman who lived there three months while he fixed it up and then rented it out to a girl I went to school with as a rent to own.) It's really not in the best shape and there are cosmetic things about it that drive me batty. It has newer wood laminate flooring and newer kitchen cupboards and the whole house has been painted since I purchased it. I've even put a new roof on. Still, I fantasize about tearing the cheap "tile" out of the shower. But my biggest dream is a sliding glass door and a back porch. I miss out on my back yard just because there isn't a door leading to it.
My goal last month was to ENJOY my house. And I did. I even spent some time sitting silently on the couch, listening to the birds. I opened the windows when it was warm. I did a heavy cleaning for a get together. I cooked at home more. I tried not to get down on myself about the things that I never got around too, even those UFO's I said I would work on. And it was wonderful.
This month I am supposed to focus on family. I figured I would just try to be nicer this month. That's one of my big downfalls. I love my family but they HAVE to love me so I am allowed to be a bitch. I've already started!
Other than that, March was possibly the month that I have been the happiest this year. I read once about the Shakers (or is it the Quakers?) who think of every action as a prayer. They think of making the bed as thanking God for a place to sleep. I kind of love this theory. One of the problems with being a woman is that I work full time and it is still expected that I keep a lovely, well maintained, clean house. My lawn should be mowed. I should have a vegetable garden. My floors should be clean enough to eat off of. It's hard enough with three cats and a boyfriend. I can only imagine what it's like with kids!
Sometimes, I am really good with housework. I do the laundry every Sunday and have a rule that it must be folded within 24 hours. I load the dishwasher as I dirty dishes, run it when it's full, and unload it when it's done. Before bed every night I run my tea kettle and while it's on the stove I grind my coffee beans for the morning and clean up the kitchen, even hand washing dishes and wiping down counters. I try to follow the "30 second rule" and do anything that will take less than 30 seconds instantly, such as changing the toilet paper roll. Still, it's the actual cleaning that gets away from me. I start every weekend in the bedroom and work my way room by room. Some weeks I finish the same day. Other weeks I never finish.
I also have a hard time with home because it's an older home (built in 1977) that's changed hands numerous times. (I purchased it in November 2010. The previous sale had been in 2008 to a gentleman who lived there three months while he fixed it up and then rented it out to a girl I went to school with as a rent to own.) It's really not in the best shape and there are cosmetic things about it that drive me batty. It has newer wood laminate flooring and newer kitchen cupboards and the whole house has been painted since I purchased it. I've even put a new roof on. Still, I fantasize about tearing the cheap "tile" out of the shower. But my biggest dream is a sliding glass door and a back porch. I miss out on my back yard just because there isn't a door leading to it.
My goal last month was to ENJOY my house. And I did. I even spent some time sitting silently on the couch, listening to the birds. I opened the windows when it was warm. I did a heavy cleaning for a get together. I cooked at home more. I tried not to get down on myself about the things that I never got around too, even those UFO's I said I would work on. And it was wonderful.
This month I am supposed to focus on family. I figured I would just try to be nicer this month. That's one of my big downfalls. I love my family but they HAVE to love me so I am allowed to be a bitch. I've already started!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Learning Acceptance
This morning I wrote in my journal about my life two years ago and the people I surrounded myself with. They weren't great people. Honestly, I didn't realize what was going on until I was forced out of a comfortable situation by a horrendously rough break up. For years I was told that I was retarded and crazy. That I wasn't hard enough on myself. That I had no pride in the things I did. I constantly listened to my ex put my friends, my family, and his friends down. When we broke up, I listened to my friends put him down while they were making fun of me, calling me a retard and making me feel small whenever I dared to step out of line. I watched these people lie and cheat on a daily basis, all while they acted like they weren't doing the same things to me.
Then, I let them fall away. I didn't call them out. (My bestie did, though. But that was her own thing and she had to deal with it her own way.) I have NEVER told them how I really feel about them or what I really think of them even while they talk about me on Facebook. BTW, when you filter what someone can see on your Facebook but not what her mother can see, word gets around.
Sometimes I feel a little sad about this. My social circle has gotten smaller and I miss some of the good times we had. For the most part, though, I am better off. The people I am around now never go out of their way to make me feel bad. I never catch them in bold faced lies just to be accused to being a drama queen. They are smart. They get my jokes and I get theirs. We have similar interests and educations and values. I'm not saying that I am not open to people with different backgrounds than mine but it's nice to have people around that I can relate to.
In Nick Hornby's High Fidelity, they call it background noise, the people you surround yourself with. The older I get, the more I realize that it's not about quantity. It's about quality.
Then, I let them fall away. I didn't call them out. (My bestie did, though. But that was her own thing and she had to deal with it her own way.) I have NEVER told them how I really feel about them or what I really think of them even while they talk about me on Facebook. BTW, when you filter what someone can see on your Facebook but not what her mother can see, word gets around.
Sometimes I feel a little sad about this. My social circle has gotten smaller and I miss some of the good times we had. For the most part, though, I am better off. The people I am around now never go out of their way to make me feel bad. I never catch them in bold faced lies just to be accused to being a drama queen. They are smart. They get my jokes and I get theirs. We have similar interests and educations and values. I'm not saying that I am not open to people with different backgrounds than mine but it's nice to have people around that I can relate to.
In Nick Hornby's High Fidelity, they call it background noise, the people you surround yourself with. The older I get, the more I realize that it's not about quantity. It's about quality.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
February Wrap Up, In Like a Lion
So, Febraury. Did it help? Not really a damn bit. Oh, and there are lots of reasons why I am not happier today than I was on the first. But, you want to know the cool part? I am not unhappy because of my Health or Wealth. I've lost 5 lbs, need new jeans, and went down a notch and a half in my belt since the first of the year. As far as finances go, this month I fixed my car and paid off two debts and kept up with my debt snowball. I haven't been writing in my check book like I said I would and I haven't been sticking to my budget but I have been ENJOYING what money can give me a little bit more. I've gone to Autorama and bought a few nice beers and ever gifted some beer to Matt. Really, isn't that the point? I don't want to feel tied down to a budget and I kind of think that money is one of those "good enough" categories. I AM doing my debt snowball, and that is good, but I am NOT really sticking to a budget. That is good enough and I should just let it go and not beat myself up.
So, March. I opted to focus on home in March because it seemed like a good month for it. You never know what the weather is going to do. (We just got our first snow storm of the season like last Friday. In Michigan. Monday morning I didn't need a coat.) March is one of those ICK months for me. It's usually gray and spring is right around the corner but it's not here yet and it's taunting me like a crock pot meal that I have to smell for six hours before I can eat it. I spend a lot of time inside because it's just not nice enough yet. I am simply bogged down by my longing to be outside in the summer sun but I have FOREVER to wait.
That's why, my goal for March, is to enjoy my home.
I love my house. I bought it on my own. I filled it on my own. Then my awesome amazing boyfriend helped me fill it a bit more. But my house does drive me a bit nuts. We have a lot of shit. A LOT. We have clutter and I have a hard time keeping up with keeping it clean because I am "oh so busy" and "oh so tired." Projects tend to pile up for the same reasons. All of this mess makes me feel frazzled and make it hard to rest and enjoy.
What I have planned for March:
-Cleaning
-Decorating
-Cooking
Mostly, I think it will be important for me to chill out this month. When I was home for lunch the other day, I was feeling a bit tired. I usually spend my lunch break eating, squeezing in a quick work out, cleaning, and/or running errands. (One day I got my car washed, got gas, picked up some groceries, went home, ate, and still started cleaning the bathroom.) I had already eaten at work and so I decided that I should take a nap. Pausing in the middle of the day, stretching out on the couch with my favorite blanket and my cats, was wonderful. When I came home at night I was proud of myself for breaking my routine and taking time to chill. I carried it over into the night, making a quick meal and relaxing on the couch. This morning I felt rested and refreshed and way better than I have been feeling.
Wish me luck!
So, March. I opted to focus on home in March because it seemed like a good month for it. You never know what the weather is going to do. (We just got our first snow storm of the season like last Friday. In Michigan. Monday morning I didn't need a coat.) March is one of those ICK months for me. It's usually gray and spring is right around the corner but it's not here yet and it's taunting me like a crock pot meal that I have to smell for six hours before I can eat it. I spend a lot of time inside because it's just not nice enough yet. I am simply bogged down by my longing to be outside in the summer sun but I have FOREVER to wait.
That's why, my goal for March, is to enjoy my home.
I love my house. I bought it on my own. I filled it on my own. Then my awesome amazing boyfriend helped me fill it a bit more. But my house does drive me a bit nuts. We have a lot of shit. A LOT. We have clutter and I have a hard time keeping up with keeping it clean because I am "oh so busy" and "oh so tired." Projects tend to pile up for the same reasons. All of this mess makes me feel frazzled and make it hard to rest and enjoy.
What I have planned for March:
-Cleaning
-Decorating
-Cooking
Mostly, I think it will be important for me to chill out this month. When I was home for lunch the other day, I was feeling a bit tired. I usually spend my lunch break eating, squeezing in a quick work out, cleaning, and/or running errands. (One day I got my car washed, got gas, picked up some groceries, went home, ate, and still started cleaning the bathroom.) I had already eaten at work and so I decided that I should take a nap. Pausing in the middle of the day, stretching out on the couch with my favorite blanket and my cats, was wonderful. When I came home at night I was proud of myself for breaking my routine and taking time to chill. I carried it over into the night, making a quick meal and relaxing on the couch. This morning I felt rested and refreshed and way better than I have been feeling.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Wealth- My Car
I drive a 2000 Mustang GT. See, fast cars are a THING in my family. Before this I drove a 92 Stealth and an 89 Firebird and I loved them both. The Firebird was my first love but I like to think of the Mustang as my TRUE LOVE. I always intended to drive her as long as I could and then tuck her away neatly in a garage to restore for my first daughter.
But she isn't a Pony anymore. She's a Ripe Old Mare.
I paid her off in July of 2010, a year early. Since then I have been fixing it almost nonstop. That fall it was four new tires, new brakes, a new ty rod (Is that what that's called?), cleaning the cylinders, replacing a wire harness, and a new chord thingy for the transmission. Then my exhaust needed some work that winter and I busted a wheel bearing on a busy road. I've replaced the mass airflow sensor annually. In August, I got two new tires. In November I got in an accident and spent $1000 on body work. (That, actually, was sheer luck. I had an extra hood and my dad and brother are awesome at body work. She looks like a new car.) Another mass airflow sensor last month and another wheel bearing last weekend. RIGHT NOW I need two new tires and a new gooseneck for the gas tank (which leaks if I take corners too quickly or fill the tank) and my brake light is on and my dash lights have a short and my Sirius needs a new antenna.
But I have an idea. I'm not going to say that it will work or that it is brilliant or any other bullshit but it is worth a try.
I am going to open a new account. I am going to use this new account ONLY FOR CAR STUFF. Every month, I will put my mileage check in the account and when I need repairs I will pay for them out of that account. The money I don't use for car repairs will sit safely in that account for use towards a new car. Not NEW new, but new to me. Another Mustang. A newer one that I won't have to fix every damn week. But because I won't be doing it from my checks, it shouldn't affect my debt snowball.
So, let's try it. See where it goes.
But she isn't a Pony anymore. She's a Ripe Old Mare.
I paid her off in July of 2010, a year early. Since then I have been fixing it almost nonstop. That fall it was four new tires, new brakes, a new ty rod (Is that what that's called?), cleaning the cylinders, replacing a wire harness, and a new chord thingy for the transmission. Then my exhaust needed some work that winter and I busted a wheel bearing on a busy road. I've replaced the mass airflow sensor annually. In August, I got two new tires. In November I got in an accident and spent $1000 on body work. (That, actually, was sheer luck. I had an extra hood and my dad and brother are awesome at body work. She looks like a new car.) Another mass airflow sensor last month and another wheel bearing last weekend. RIGHT NOW I need two new tires and a new gooseneck for the gas tank (which leaks if I take corners too quickly or fill the tank) and my brake light is on and my dash lights have a short and my Sirius needs a new antenna.
But I have an idea. I'm not going to say that it will work or that it is brilliant or any other bullshit but it is worth a try.
I am going to open a new account. I am going to use this new account ONLY FOR CAR STUFF. Every month, I will put my mileage check in the account and when I need repairs I will pay for them out of that account. The money I don't use for car repairs will sit safely in that account for use towards a new car. Not NEW new, but new to me. Another Mustang. A newer one that I won't have to fix every damn week. But because I won't be doing it from my checks, it shouldn't affect my debt snowball.
So, let's try it. See where it goes.
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