Learning Acceptance

This morning I wrote in my journal about my life two years ago and the people I surrounded myself with. They weren't great people. Honestly, I didn't realize what was going on until I was forced out of a comfortable situation by a horrendously rough break up. For years I was told that I was retarded and crazy. That I wasn't hard enough on myself. That I had no pride in the things I did. I constantly listened to my ex put my friends, my family, and his friends down. When we broke up, I listened to my friends put him down while they were making fun of me, calling me a retard and making me feel small whenever I dared to step out of line. I watched these people lie and cheat on a daily basis, all while they acted like they weren't doing the same things to me.

Then, I let them fall away. I didn't call them out. (My bestie did, though. But that was her own thing and she had to deal with it her own way.) I have NEVER told them how I really feel about them or what I really think of them even while they talk about me on Facebook. BTW, when you filter what someone can see on your Facebook but not what her mother can see, word gets around.

Sometimes I feel a little sad about this. My social circle has gotten smaller and I miss some of the good times we had. For the most part, though, I am better off. The people I am around now never go out of their way to make me feel bad. I never catch them in bold faced lies just to be accused to being a drama queen. They are smart. They get my jokes and I get theirs. We have similar interests and educations and values. I'm not saying that I am not open to people with different backgrounds than mine but it's nice to have people around that I can relate to.

In Nick Hornby's High Fidelity, they call it background noise, the people you surround yourself with. The older I get, the more I realize that it's not about quantity. It's about quality.